I had started blogging when my first child was a toddler- it was fun cataloging my growing family and the trials and tribulations of a first time mother. Then I stopped, mostly because of fear. Fear about what I say on-line can be used against me.
I have been thinking about this fear, is it rational? Is it reasonable? Do I want to live with this self imposed censorship?
As much as I want to say that I have conquered this fear and therefore, I am going to blog without fear! It isn't really why I am writing.
I am writing because I don't want my kids to grow up, or be grown up, without knowing me.
Recently, a college friend, who is pregnant with her fourth baby, is diagnosed with terminal cancer. It is breaking my heart. Her sweet family is going through a storm, their lives are being ripped apart because of these stupid, malignant, evil, cells. I can't imagine the suffering she is going through, how horrifying it must be that she won't get to raise her kids. That the one in her uterus may never really know her.
My mother-in-law died because of cancer just a month before our wedding. I suppose she never really became my mother-in-law, but I do refer to her as mom when I am talking to my husband's family. My kids will never get to know her, actually, I never really got to know her. She was mostly ill when we were dating: I remember her being sick, and then sicker, and then, really, really sick.
Perhaps it is morbid, but one thing I know for sure: No one escapes death or taxes. I am blogging so that my kids, my future kids-in-law, will always have a reference manual to use, in case I am not here. I have also figured that when I get sick, or die unexpectedly, there won't be time/energy for writing, therefore, I better get going while I am healthy, fairly young, and not senile.
As for taxes, I will try to include some advice about that too.
Perhaps it is controlling, but I figured they can always choose to not read this. Or blogger servers can crash and this blog will be gone forever. As a mother, I can always give my two cents, and it is up to them to decide if they want my two cents.
I plan to write about music, cooking, baking, about giving advice, general management of life, and most of all, the One who created us, the One who loves us, and the One who knows our suffering, because He had died for us.
I also plan on posting something along with my writing, perhaps a video, a recipe, a set of instructions for doing something, general advice, in the least. There will not be do overs in my videotaping- for one thing, I don't have time, also, I am trying to be real. Kids, this is your mother, imperfections and all.
To start, here is a song.
Beaches, possibly the best chick flick ever. It also fits with the purpose of this blog: I want someone with a really good memory to tell my progeny about me. I am counting on my friends, at the same time, let me be honest, my neurosis dictates that I also must do this myself.